JANUARY 2007

most significant stuff that happened this month should be the bonus and pay increment i have received. but i am sorry to say that i was not very excited. i guess it is due to the money being in short transist as the bulk of it will be made out to return whatever i have owed. but i know that i should not be ungrateful, in fact i should celebrate that my situation is much improved and i should have gratitude for the good things that come into my life. so, yes, thank you.

secondly, i guess as my work pace slowed down a little, i have a bit of free time and with it, i think about my dad. which made me terribly sad. that day i visited my aunt at the hospital and walked past the cafe that i spent several afternoons with dad there, eating his favourite dessert boh-boh hitam. it pained me so much that i cried my way home on the mrt. mark said that i should not use that route, meaning that it could be better if i dont remind myself of the place. but i feel that the sooner i deal with it, the better. anyway, i realised now why i want to be away this CNY as i think i cannot handle not having dad around. too much of a contrast. it took me several family gatherings to come to term with it. the first few family gatherings was hard for me. but i know i will eventually learn to handle.

nothing much from me, except the nitty gritty things like pondering over whether to cut hair or not. desmond is always great but always layer my hair so much that it is difficult to grow back to the same length and when it is long enough, i get bored with the hair and ponder about cutting. so it is same mental routine every 3 to 6 months. is it just me or is it a girly stuff?

oh and yes,, this Korean drama-- "不良家族" Translate as "indecent family". supposedly a comedy but there are so many heart warming lessons to learn from it. the moral of the story is to have "understanding" -- understading for each other and to know that people behave "badly" not because they are bad but because they have issues that are not resolved and they are hurt. hence we should always be aware of it and not judge them by their behaviour. eg: in the show, this gangster is well, a gangster and always threaten people by asking them to dig a grave and threaten to bury them alive. this gangster was abandoned when he was 5 at a public park... and the only family he knew was the street gangster-head 老大 who has taken him in hence his trait as a gangster. but he is not bad at heart. blah blah blah. the show unraveled different issues that each of the family has and at the end of the day, it is with love and understanding that we can live in harmony.

the power of touch

i was pleasantly surprised by husband's friend, whom kissed me on the forehead quite suddenly.

we were half and hour into talking, catching up and i havent seen him for more than 3 years... he suddenly scooped my head with both his hands and pulled it forward and planted a kiss on my forehead.
he said, "miss you la, havent seen you for so long".

given any other context, i think i might have run away or said "you're crazy" but this guy emulated so much love that i could feel the friendship he has for my husband transcend to me. they are friends for over 25 years and you know, they say friends you met at school are the best of times.

his fiancee came by later, cheek rubbed with me (so ang moh, given they are malay royal class) and apologised that she didnt bring me a present this visit as she was in a hurry here and has to attend to his uncle who is critically ill at our hosipital here in Singapore.

we chatted quite a bit and they made us promise to visit them at KL.

i always say that we must always make time for friends, old or new.

If i live another 57 years (i hope to live healthily till 90!)
,, if i live another 57 years,, that would mean i have 20,805 days.

20,805 days is COUNTABLE. so i must make every COUNT.

dont you think so?

Happy New Year

Happy New Year to all of you.

i am going to darwin for a holiday. dont know much about it, just that it is outback and got to rough it out. should be fun and i always feel that it is an adventure to do things i've not attempted before.

i dont know why, but i am a person who to some is foolish.
but i dont think that is anything wrong with being foolish.
let me explain,, my husband thinks that it is a bad idea to do dawin because he feels that i did not consider about my mom, my sis & sis's BF (tim) likings. as to whether they can rough it out and "suffer" because it is HOT there and LOTS of walking, trekking etc etc and most of all, how i could just put everyone in, into something i have no experience with and no idea about.

he said a good idea will be to bring them to phuket where we have been there a dozen times and can tour them around. can show them all the beaches and good spots we've been. he made me sound like i only care about myself. and i think i am like that and there is nothing wrong with that because if we continue to do the ususal things, the "safe" things, it will always be just that. so what if in the end i really did make a lousy choice. it is just an experience and i am not for one who will say that it is going to be lousy when it hasnt even happen. the future is not written. the only sure thing is that we are going on holiday, but it can be a good one, it hasnt happen yet, so we can still make it good isnt it?

perhaps i really should have done a research on darwin before i booked the NON-cancellable tickets but if i had made a research, they would have become "why we should not go darwin" because all activities would seem wrong, not suitable or whatever. and we will never have that experience.

so, i dont think it is wrong to act on impulse or spur of the moment as long as my intentions are for good.

555

Five Five Five

my motto for the year is 555

five days a weeks, work ends at five. every day is friday.

for you see, i over-worked and over-stressed and didnt have peace of mind for many moons that passed. so i hope that by reminding myself

• to feel relaxed like a friday ever day,
• to stop my work at 5pm and
• to only think about work from mon-friday

will let me enjoy my work more and become more efficient at it.

i derived this because on weds 3rd jan when we all returned to work-- i dragged myself to work. was late for half an hour and almost didnt want to turn up.

i cant imagine if i continue to behave like this, how can i ever work till i am 60?
i have thirty years to go and i think 30 years of drag will be too much.
so, i have to do something about it. about my mindset.

why do i hate work?

no, i do not hate it, i just hate the pressure.

so, the problem is the pressure, not the work.

do something about it, i said to myself. do something.

that's how i derieved at 555.

i am certain it will help my mental state.

i think my boss either recognised my work efforts or sensed my lack of motivation,, he kept telling me i am going to have a very good pay increament and bonus.

really? i didnt want to excite myself too much.

what is "very good"? one thousand dollars? that will be very good in my term.

i am so looking forward to my bonus so that i can be debt free.

i still owe my dad money. (no la, it is money dad gave us but i used it first. sis and i have a trust fund that we manage and will put to good use. thank you dad!)

so ya, i got to return the money to the trust fund and start saving for myself.

you know,,, i think i am finally ready to try for a baby. **happy grin**

though still scared... scared no money to buy milk powder, scared no help to take care of baby, scared no money to send to good school, etc etc etc. so much of hold back that i never dare to make the move.

but now i am really learning to have faith and trust. in God, in the Universe, in Life.

so i am sure all will be well La.

cheers!

Chrystle

i can never really spell her name. Chrystle or Chrystel? my niece-- cousin's baby. she is so like her mom.

she is so very cute. eating by herself at one corner during christmas party.

2 yrs old.. can speak so softly and so damn babish. oh my gosh,, i think i may want to have a baby too.

beauty

beautiful isn't it?
my friend went japan, kind of back packed for 3 weeks.
i told her she should take part in some photo contest with this picture. i simply find it stunning.